Hi Mummies,

Being a first-time mom, I have no idea how your little ones calls their grandparents? Do you dictate and teach ur precious to call their grandparents or let the grandparents have their own way of calling? My DD has not even learn to blah mama or papa, my MIL already trying to teach her how to call her 'Mama' (peranakan way of calling grandma). Sick isn't it? I tot our precious supposed will call the parents first?

Initially wanted to teach my DD how to call me 'Mama', now my MIL wants my DD to call her 'Mama' (the peranakan way). SIAN! Either I teach my DD to call me 'mummy' or teach her to call my MIL 'grandma'. The thing is that my MIL is not even a peranakan, though her own mother was one.

Should I let her be or change direction? Cos i dont want my DD to be confused on who is her mummy. My MIL really touch on my raw nerve today cos she claimed that my DD was trying to blah 'mama' when she taught her that today. PUI!

your MIL kenna influenced by little noyna. haha.

Does it really matters???? More importantly is that she is your dd and how u will care about her. If you take good care of her, she will naturally TREAT you as her "mama" in future, rather than just purely a NAME.

to be honest... im a hokkien.. and i call my grandma as ah ma ma.. and hor.. teochews also calls their grandma as mama...

my honest thoughts.. it doesnt matter who the child calls first.. most imptly, when kids start to call someone, u shud be happy cause ur kid is starting to learn how to call pple and recognize pple...

see.. if i carry my friend's child, i will say.. "call auntie.." its just a casual act.. i think u shudnt take it so seriously... one day, ur kid will learn how to call everyone...

dun restrict ur kid's development with ur mentality.. u need to give him a broader space to learn and explore.

I just hate the smug look on my MIL's face as if my DD will recognise her more as compared to me. She is a good MIL except that she irritated the hell out of me when comes to DD's attention, always wanting to fight with me.

i seriously dont understand what her objective for doing all these? Is not as if she never been a DIL before. Why can't she be more sensitive about it? My colleague also faced the same issue that his MIL would alway try to fight for his son's attention and in the end, my colleague told his MIL to adopt a kid since she likes kid so much.

one day, u would be thankful that ur kids like to stay with ah gong ah ma...
this is how my SIL get to catch a breath when shes too bz.
ur kid is always urs.. why r u afraid that someone will snatch it..
kids are also human, whoever treats them good, they will learn to stick with who..
parents are old liao, let them enjoy this moment for a while ba..
if u wanna compare MILs, my MIL is one of the ULTIMATE...
but still, if she were to stick with my kid this way, i also let it be..
to be honest, how many more 20 years do they have?
my MIL dotes boys more than girls... imagine how my niece is being neglected that create a wound in her? that she would say.. "ask didi phone po po la, since po po like him more" and its from a little child...
when they learn to love their ah gong ah ma, they will learn to respect elderly..
when u grow old, they will learn to respect and love u the same way.
let nature take its course..

That's a good reminder...I will remind myself next time whenever she pissed me off.

Based on just this one-off incident, i would say ur reaction is totally overblown n unjustified. just as wat mommydino said, when we r interacting wif the young ones, we always say "call auntie (meaning ourselves)". Likewise, when ur mil tells ur little girl to call mama, it's just her way of interacting wif her grandchild.

hvg said tt, it's again just a one-off incident cited, so i really don't know what other little things/events cumulated before this to spark off such a negative reaction from u. i guess only u know yourself best.

my mil cares for my dd when i m at work, n when young, my dd learns to call us in this sequence : daddy -> mama (cantonese way of calling grandma) -> yeye (cantonese way of calling grandpa) -> mommy. i had no problems wif it at all, instead i thot how blessed my dd is to hv a set of doting grandparents. kids r so innocent, they give love unconditionally n also knows who r the ones tt love them back.

Seriously, they won't be confused who is the mommy la...

take a step back, breathe... n just enjoy motherhood... if u keep on being unhappy wif ur mil, ur dd may sense e resentment lying underneath... n be confused by it.

last time my mil also ask my ds to call her mama (in the peranakan).. and i just told my mil later ds confuse with that mama and mama.. and she ask me then call nai nai can.. talk to her in a gd way lor..

Your MIL is so considerate...I don't know why my MIL wanna called herself as 'mama' the peranakan way cos initially she kept addressing herself as 'grandma' to my DD. I just find it strange cos she is not a full peranakan (just some diluted blood) & want to call herself 'mama' when there was no practise of peranakan culture or habits at all.

Certainly I do not want my DD to be confused who is her 'mama'.

I don't know if I should clarify with my MIL about this addressing cos probably it will piss her off and I am not sure if it will help but I really want my DD to call me 'mama' instead of mummy. Sigh.

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. What matters is what something is and not what it is called.

My own mother taught my sons to call her mama even though she is not 1) perakan and 2) not paternal grandmother. My in laws did drop hints that she shouldn't be known as mama but they don't really mind so much.

Your kid will be able to distinguish 妈妈 with mama in time to come so relax and bask in true joy of motherhood rather than bicker over what names.

My DD also call my MIL Mama (Teochew) and me Mummy and yes she also learn to address her 1st before me as my MIL takes care of her more often compare to me or my maid. However, mother will always be mother lor and now that she is already 2+ yrs old and attending tot classes, she could easily identify the differences in role between us. She has not grown to love me less because of this. Explain the differences to yr DD when she gradually grow older. Dun be too upset about this.

u might want to talk to her nicely and explain to her..
but i agree that kids will know who is who as time goes by..

Thanks, mummies for your assurance.

I am now in the phrase of insecurity (just like my MIL who always do things just to prove that my DD is closer to her except that I don't show my insecurity up front).

Its so hard to 'relax & enjoy motherhood' cos I only see my DD a few hours during weekdays and with a MIL who wants to compete with me for DD's attention. If my MIL is those who don't fight with me and let me do bonding with DD alone, I won't react so strongly?

for DH's parents, it's 嫲嫲 and 爺爺
for my parent's, it's 婆婆 and 公公

it's just a name to us so kids are free to call whatever way they want. but we prefer to teach them from young the right term like 姑妈，姑婆，姨妈，姨婆，舅舅， 舅公，叔叔，叔公 etc

Hi mamacow, I smiled when I saw your post cos I felt exactly like you when I had my ds... I wanted my ds to call me mama, but my MIL wanted my ds to call her mama as well (teochew style) I told dh about it and when chatting my dh did hint to my MIL about ds calling her ah ma instead but she refused cos she said it sounded very old...
So I change to mummy instead...
I think all mummies have a possessive nature in us which makes us sometimes behave a bit 'out of the norm' and over-react at times over trival matters about our kids, which in my point of view is normal... Some mummies may have a stronger possessiveness, some lesser...
But all in all, you need to let go a little... if not everyday you will feel very unhappy and it wont be very good for you... Your child is actually very lucky to have so many ppl loving her... If your MIL doesnt care at all, you also will have headache...

Erm... ...... who is the primary caregiver?
If your MIL is the primary caregiver, then its quite normal for the child to be able to call the grandmother 1st.

I dont bother what my girl calls her grandparents.
I am not even bothered what she calls me

Anyway, my girl learnt to call kaka (my maid), dog dog (her "sibling") and daddy 1st at about 7 months or so, and only able to call "mummy" at 17 months (about 14 months she can only call "mama", which we often joked if she is saying "mum mum" meaning eat, or call me )

I have obsolutely no problems with that, cos I know, I dont spent much time with her.
My maid was her primary caregiver, and my dog was at home with her most time and her favourite playmate, and of course, daddy was her favourite person.
To me, if the child is happy and learning new things, that is all that matters.

After all, I am her mum, and that is a fact that nothing can change.
She can call me anything, as long as it is not an insult, thats fine. Even now, sometimes she calls me mum, sometimes mummy, sometimes mama, and sometimes by name.

Sometimes, my son even call me by my name...... Which i still gladly reply.

yea, dd calls me by name too sometimes
I will reply as long as she says it with no intention of being cheeky or rude.

I don't know how can one manage to let go leh...My DH & I already very upset whenever our DD don't recognise us when we go back, cannot imagine that she don't call us first. Then, dunno why I give birth to her in the first place, enduring the pain for nothing. Sigh.

Ok lar, at least Melfen did it. At least she is reflexible enough to change to get her DS to call her 'mummy' instead. I should learn to be flexible too...

Maybe your daughter is also wondering why you gave birth to her in the first place if she is just a pawn to satisfy your ego of being someone's "most important person" at least on the surface.....

somehow i feel very sad a parents have these set of thinking...

if a kiddos dont call you guys first or recognised then i believe the parents have to share the reponsibilty on why these happens....

sigh..................

Then you must ask yourself why your dd dont recognise you!!

I went for a 3 months working trip to Australia when dd was 7 months.
When I returned, I tried to carry dd, she cried.
My heart was dammed pain.

That was the day I decided no more long business trips for me, in fact, no more if I can help it.

And from then on, I tried to come on as much as possible, on the dot, after office hours, and spent my weekends with her.

Babies will bond with whoever spends time with them.
If you want your child to be close to you, well..... spend time with her, and she will be close to you
Babies dont demand anything else from you. Just your time and attention... and lots of love

Diff people, diff thinking mah, you cannot expect every parents will have the same saint thinking as you.

Of cos when our kiddy don't recognise us its because we are out there working, not because we want to dump them with someone else & have fun, which result our own kiddies dont recognise us except their main caregiver??

u really have a long way to go and learn in parenting
it is about basic thoughts...
why are u thinking about the smallest part of the child development?
have an open heart.

ya, mamcow.... I think you really have to appreciate your ILs.
That they are taking very good care of your kid, so that you can work without any worries.

How many of us cannot find good caregivers!

My dd was very very close to my maid. I appreciated her, and was sad when she eventually wanted to return home to get married.

Always remember, babies are very smart.
They are only close to people who love them, and who makes them feel secure.
If your ILs does not treat your child well, she will not be close to them.

So you should thank your ILs that they allow you to concentrate on your work with a peace of mind.

For me...

By right in my family, Paternal side grandparents are Ye Ye and Nai Nai or Po Po and Gong Gong.. Maternal side grandparents are Ah Ma and Ah Gong... But my PIL insisted on being Ah Ma and Ah Gong (snatching with my parents)..

I was initially quite sad, was so afraid that my parents, esp my mum, would be so sad being Po Po... But somehow, she's used to it although sometimes she will forget and tell DD, "Come, ah ma carry"..

Just live with it lo, as long as both sides are fine then can liao lar..

1) i am not a saint.... rather unholy at times
2) you already answer your own question.. then why are you blaming your little ones????

U asked, I answered loh...

what i think is...you may teach you child what to call whoever. but at the end of the day, the child him/herself will decide what he/she wants to call! haha..

i taught my girl to call me mama..but since 10 months old she started calling me mummy instead! ah gu(my brother) becomes gu gu. nai nai(grandma) becomes na na. but the rest are ok. she calls my mum popo, dad gong gong and sis ah yi.

i understand what you mean but at the end of the day, your boy will still recognise you as the mummy! no worries! my girl sees her daddy only for 2 hours each day but she keeps asking me where's daddy whenever he is not at home. and if daddy is home, she is daddy's girl lor. mummy go out or go away also nevermind dont care.

I tink its reali ok who they call 1st.. afterall it means tat ur child is learning & developin.. tat shld be 1 ting tat u muz be happy abt! Fussing over the names & order is reali unnecessary.. besides ur mil is the main caregiver nw.. meanin she sees ur mil more than she sees u..

If ur child doesnt recognise u then u probably got to think about it.. kids r very reciprocative in feelings.. r u stayin w/ in laws or hav a flat of ur own? If u hav a flat of ur own then do u bring ur child bk on a daily basis or oni during wkend?

You want to get holely? Can engage my killers to help you leh! You prefer one big hole or many small holes?

jialat
son is close to me but he calls jiejie first then papa all the way now

Gu Sai, it's time i engage Mr White or professional le.
silence my son for not calling me first when i am the cloest to him.

i think its ok la.. my girl also call my mum 1st.. 'ahmamamama!!' i teach her to say 'maa-mii' she juz laugh..

To silence your son, you do not need to engage the services of expensive professionals. You can actually DIY. All you need is a roll of masking tape.

Step 1: Measure the length of your son's mouth when fully closed.
Step 2: Cut out a piece of masking tape that is slightly longer than the length of your son's mouth as measured in Step 1.
Step 3: Instruct your son to fully close his mouth
Step 4: Apply the masking tape firmly over his mouth, covering it end-to-end
Result: Your son is successfully silenced.

For me, it doesnt matter what my mil wants my bb to call her...hehehe....its a small matter to me.
But for me, i will teach my bb the correct way to address my pil as ye ye and nai nai, my mom as po po. My sister is da yi, my brothers is dua gu and siao gu. my sil is dua gou, my bil is sue peh.
Both of us are teochew....hence

RATHER only?!?! a bit mild hor....

haiz...wat's the biggie here??

TS,

tell you lah...my son whom i sacrificed my wonderful career for didn't bother abt me for a while, learned to call EVERYONE in the family and extended family and even the MAID (!!!) first before he called me, now is sticky like the strongest sticky glue to his daddy and refuse to let me touch him....

so wat do i do?? Kill him? kill myself? kill my DH? kill my mil, mum and/or even the maid (!!)........ I waited for 21 mths for my boy to call me, ok!....and still wondering why he's suddenly so in love with his daddy!?!?!

...let it be lah......everything will come to pass.................


.....and seriously seriously, i think you should seek professional help if you are really nit-picking to this pt.

his surface area quite big...think can afford more....

er...swiss cheese style??

I'll also teach DS to greet th relatives by the correct terms.

Not everybody also uncles and aunties...

你在说我吗?

I believe more than 50% of the parents here are wking parents, but it doesn't mean that their child/ children dun recognise them when they are back just because they are out there working.

Do you have off days? Dun tell me yr MIL wun let you take care of yr DD on yr off days? Even the few hours after wk is good enough to create a bond.

I'm wking full time and studying part time now. Time to be with DS is limited so I'll make sure that I'll spend time whenever I'm off/ at hm.

MIL wana snatch attention? Then bring yr DD into the room shld do the trick rite?
Surely yr MIL wun sneak herself into yr bedroom....

Wahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!
My ah lao also like tat de lah. Own uncles and aunties also duno how to greet...

Anyway..

my dd calls me ma-ni.

coz you are the one giving her money $$ ?

Then my DS calls me "neh-neh" leh....

isn't it obvious, right?

i m a weekend mummy to bb since she is 3 mths old.... during weekdays, i only visited her at my mum's place 3 time (when she is very young coz she wouldn't want me to carry her so have to visit her more often ) and when she is older (ard 1 yrs old), i only visited her twice during weekdays .... and for each visit, i stay not longer than 2 hrs w her ... and she is still able to call / recognise me ... as her mummy

tot on n off, bb will just follow us (my sis, bro n myself) to call my mum as mummy... but my mummy will immediately correct her w... i m ur ah ma! and the little one will just smile cheekly

mil is a cantonese and they way of calling / addressing is also very funny (to me coz i m a hokkien ... but now used to it alrd ) dh and mil wanted bb to address mil as ma ma (almost same sound as me 妈妈) and fil as ye ye, my mum as po po and my dad as gong gong....

i m ok w it... since mil wants ma ma, she can use it and bb can always call me mummy, mum, mi or ma and fil as ye ye... my mum as ah ma and my dad as ah gong (coz we r still hokkiens)

so far so good kids r very smart so dun worried too much k. enjoy ur life n time w them fruitfully

My girl called our dog first.


HAIL MY DOG!!!